When you’re so far away from home, there is really nothing you can do about the overwhelming sense of homsickness that just creeps up on you when you least expect it. Memories from back home sometimes invade my mind subconsciously and as I pull at one memory, it brings another one with it. Sometimes making me smile but sometimes….just sometimes…making me feel slightly depressed.

Being the oldest of 3 girls and being the only one away from home, I can’t help but feel so jealous and envious of my two sisters back home. Seeing photos of them on Facebook makes it worse somehow. Doing things we would normally do as a group…the 3 of us… Ok I admit it…it’s heart-wrenching…it absolutely kills.

You suddenly feel like you should have done more as a big sister. You should have been there more. You should have listened more. You should have loved them more. You should have protected them more. Coz now…you’re the one who is slowly just drifting away due to the physical barrier between you and the two of them. You’re the last to know about boyfriends or break-ups and you’re the last person they turn to when they need a shoulder to cry out or some big sister advice.

And as much as people say that nothing’s gonna change and that I’ll always be their big sister…the doubt still lingers…and as much as I try to be happy for them and be there for them…I can’t help but feel…things will never be the same again…