I’m always wondered why I took such a big step in leaving. And even when I could go back, why did I make a conscious decision to continue to stay so far away? I can’t quite put my finger on it but then again would any reason be good enough?

It makes me feel better knowing that my life’s more structured here. I have people I care about around me and I’m happily in love with a brilliant man. But my life isn’t perfect and as much as I try to bring it as close to perfection as possible, there is always a small part of it I can’t control.

I never really thought about the consequences of my decision. Even if I did, I don’t think I would have contemplated the extent to which things would have changed over the years.

We’re like strangers.

Complete strangers.

I get a sick feeling in my gut every time I think about what we were and where we are now. And it stays with me.

For days.

It brings me down and I’m consumed by this huge grey cloud of doubts and insecurities coupled with hatred and envy and the worst part of it is: the only way to get rid of it would be to just stop thinking/worrying/talking about her.

That’s just unacceptable isn’t it? I sound like a monster! Like a right ol’ bitch!

I dread to think that we’ve silently walked down this horrid path for so long that it just might be too late to turn back round and start from the beginning. And even if I did make the first move, what would I say? Would she turn around and walk the other way? Would she shoot me right down?

Sometimes I wonder what it would take to take it all back. To be as we were.

To be normal again…

All this snow we’ve been getting might be pretty but is an absolute nightmare to drive in. I was unfortunate enough to be stuck in the utter mayhem that hit Hampshire during the Christmas week last year and it took me 9 whole hours to get back (yes you heard it right, 25miles in 9 hours). At one point, I seriously thought I was going to spend the night in my car. It was horrific.

Needless to say, I was adamant not to be caught in such a situation again. Therefore, when the Met Office issued severe weather warnings early this week, I didn’t think twice about leaving work early and working from home for the rest of the week. Mind you, working from home for 3 consecutive days does have its perks.

For instance, you could pop out during your “lunch break” for a little photowalk in the snow…

While we were in London over New Years, we caught the much hyped about new movie by James Cameron – Avatar.

Like many, I had high expectations for this film. The media/publicity generated around this film was so intense, it was impossible not to expect anything less from Mr Cameron. I wasn’t a bit fan of Titanic (slept through half of it) and I’m not much into computer generated imagery (CGI) & heavily graphic dependent films. So really, all signs point to the fact that I probably will not like this film.

However, low and behold, I  was impressed! It was breath-taking! I managed to watch the entire film and was on the edge of my seat throughout.

If you like special effects and totally new computer generated graphics you have never seen before, go watch Avatar. We watched it in 3D but I’m sure the 2D version would be just as spectacular. The filmatography around the blending of the two worlds was very well executed. I mean, Cameron even created a brand new language from scratch just for this movie.

The only dissapointment I had didn’t even have anything to do with the movie. If you’re ever been to Odeon in Leicester Square, you would know what I mean. We were seated towards the very back and the screen was dissapointing tiny back where we were. Would I watch Avatar again? You bet! But this time in a regular size theatre and experience it on a big screen.

December is such a busy period for everyone. On top of the Christmas parties, cooking Christmas dinners, sending out cards, visiting friends and family and shopping for gifts, it’s no wonder why most people don’t try to make Christmas a little bit more personal and intimate. This year, I thought I would buy the girls a little something for Xmas. I bought them each a ring and a pair of earrings and decided to wrap it up in a unique little parcel all cut, pasted and wrapped by me, myself and I. And this was the final result (see image on the left):

Side Note: On uploading it onto my computer, I decided to play around with the image and inserted a simple text “Merry Christmas” at the top left hand corner and thought it looked very much like a Christmas card! I just might have these printed out as our Christmas cards this year…(2 birds…1 stone!)

Anyway, creating these little delightful cone shaped parcels were dead easy. All the materials I needed were:

1) Metallic card

2) Organza paper (Mine from last year had little sparkle dots on them which made them look even better)

3) Shredded paper (to fill the cone up inside)

4) Ribbon (had some leftover from last year)

Instructions:

Cut out a semi-circle from the metallic card.

Wrap the semi-circle round till it formed a cone and secure with tape.

Stuff the cone with shredded paper.

Insert gifts

Cut the organza paper into a square 40×40cm in size.

Wrap the cone in the organza paper and finish off with the ribbons.

Voila!

With the recent streak of DIY that’s been going around the house lately, I’ve decided to induce some colour into the living room by deciding to get some wallpaper up on one of the walls. The biggest disadvantage to wallpaper is not only is it such a pain to put up, it’s bloody difficult to decide on! You can get rid of a bad decision in paintcolour by painting over it but wallpaper is a whole different ball game. It’s looks totally different once up and you can’t really change your mind once it is up which is why it’s making me extremely nervous to pick one. *yikes* .

Coupled with the fact that 1) J isn’t keen on wallpapers and 2) even if he had to choose something, we simply cannot decide on one we both liked is starting to make it look like a ‘wallpapered wall’ before Christmas is highly unlikely….

I ordered some samples from Graham & Brown last night and hopefully, with the samples infront of us, we might be able to come to a decision…

Having a house is not so fun in times like these…

When I blogged about our recent DIY project, I remember mentioning how quickly I felt things were progressing. How fast it seemed to be coming together with J working on it all week rather than just on weekend. I also remember being so excited to get my hoover out and get cracking on cleaning the mess up once this was all over.

Truth is…it took a little longer than I thought it would. 2 whole months. My fingers were itching to get rid of the utter mess J caused during those 2 months but it’s finally over and I’m so pleased with the result. We now longer have to live with a hole in the wall. I finally have some space to store my shoes!

I would have been satisfied with an understairs which, bluntly speaking, would simply be a hole in the wall with a door to make it look pretty and normal on the outside. I wasn’t particularly bothered what it looked like on the inside.

However, being ever such a perfectionist, J insisted on “doing it once and doing it right” (his quote not mine). He painstakingly boarded up the entire cavity (including the walls and floors) – making sure to leave a removable plank for the toilet plumping adjacent to it.

Filled all the gaps between the boards and filed them down – twice.

He painted them – twice.

Laid the floor with carpet tiles ( I would have been satisfied with the cement floor).

And got white shelves to go with the now white cupboard. Not to mention the amount of time and effort he took to source for the exact same skirting board just to make it blend better with the rest of the skirting board in the hallway only to end up ripping the ones off our master bathroom instead (he’s just created another DIY project for him there…).

But I’m ecstatic with the end result! It’s perfect! I was amazed how much space we’ve gained.

1 DIY project down…a gazillion others left to do…It’s fun having a house!

You know Christmas is around the corner when they start selling Christmas cakes in your favourite coffee joint.

This weekend, J and I popped into town for our weekly dose of coffee.

He, a black extra-shot Americano while I enjoyed a skinny…extra hot…vanilla (2 pumps not 3) latte.

Oh! not forgetting a piece of cake to share. There certainly is nothing better than sitting back and enjoying each others’ company over a nice cup of coffee. Bliss!

I don’t know what happened. I’ve done that roundabout everyday for a year. No problems whatsoever.

Somehow, on this particular day, I found myself not exiting the roundabout as I would normally do….but swerving to the right and actually landing on the roundabout. Oh! And crashing the side into a tree in the process.

I call her Bug. (Yes I named her.) And she’s been good to me. I didn’t have high expectations (who would for a 1995 old banger which only costed me £700) and she didn’t dissapoint. She was a dream to drive.

I still drive her though. Except that now, if you need a lift (I wouldn’t advise one if I were you) but if you had no other choice and had to get a lift from me, you will have to enter through the driver side, manouver yourself over the handbrake and gear stick to get to your seat. Try not to hit ya head against the roof while you’re at it. Do the same in reverse when we get there.

Oh and please don’t wind the window down, they don’t work anymore.

We’ve been meaning to get a few DIY projects sorted around the house. With both of us working, the deadline of (last) Christmas got extended to Easter and before we knew it, summer came and went and we’ve yet to get them finished for this Christmas!

Therefore, with J out of work at the moment, it’s amazing how quickly these DIY projects get done when you’ve got the whole week rather than the odd weekend to work on them.

I’m still getting used to the messy hallway and pieces of sawdust everywhere.

However, I simply cannot wait to get the hoover out once this project is all done and dusted (no pun intended…)

Eversince we’ve met, I can safely say that I have taken J out of his comfort zone with the kind of food and culture I’ve been accustomed to. And bless him…he’s taken it all in his stride and have enjoyed every different/new challenge I’ve set him.

However, there is just one thing, after all these years he still struggles with… chopsticks!

So it was only appropriate when his uncle bought him a pair of “cheater chopsticks”. I’ve googled and come across various different types of cheater chopsticks and this pair was probably the most discreet of the lot. I so love the cute little faces at the end.

Unfortunately, his uncle can’t remember where he got them from. I would love to get a few more pairs for our friends when I host a Chinese/Dim Sum dinner again.